i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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