i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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