You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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