I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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