I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We're too hungover to prance.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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