I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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