I just saw a hot homeless man
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
