whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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