You really coming over, don't trick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
