Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
