in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
