Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
