I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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