my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Found the puke drawer
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
