I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
