Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
