Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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