i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
