Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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