I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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