Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
