so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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