He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
