fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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