Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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