I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
