did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
