it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
