I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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