I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
