She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
