I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
