He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
