he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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