I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
