You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to fling myself into the sun
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