found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
