The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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