I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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