Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
