Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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