he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
a search helicopter?!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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