why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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