Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
