Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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