its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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