just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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