Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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