I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
