Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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