She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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