ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
