I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do herpes really smell.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You may now shotgun with the bride
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
