he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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