I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
