Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
