I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
