I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
