I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
