Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
